My 23rd Psalm

For most of my life, one of the most beloved passages of the Bible has with me eluded a personal connection. I found it a well written lovely poem, but a poem of someone else's thoughts and feelings, not really my own. It is one of the most quoted Bible passages. Even most non-churched people know some or all of it. So why did I take nearly 42 years to develop an appreciation for David's poem about a shepherd? Because I thought it was David's poem about a shepherd! (Of course I knew he was talking about God.)

After much thought and reading and meditation, I have come to the conclusion that I do have a unique and personal connection to the 23rd Psalm. Much of this has to do with a book that was at once frustrating, compelling, and enlightening. This book, A Shepherds Look at Psalm 23 (W. Phillip Keller; Zondervan; 2007) originally published in 1970, explains the symbolism and relevance David uses to describe The Good Shepherd (one of the Hebrew names of God: Jehovah-Raah).

So, I have made it mine. Yes, I am "adding to" the original, but do not think I am passing it off as canon or inspired to be a "new word from God" - it is just my personalization and fresh understanding of what finally makes perfect sense to me:

The LORD [the one and only Jehovah-Raah] is my shepherd [because He has claimed ME as one of His flock], I shall not [have any reason to] want [anything or anyone other than Him and what He provides, because He provides more than I can even think to ask for].

He makes me [comfortable enough by the peace and security that He provides to] lie down in green pastures [without worry or anxiety of attack from within or without]. 

He leads me beside still waters [that He has proven and tested for purity, because if He doesn't He knows I'll wander off to look for and find my own water source with impurities that will not quench my thirst but very likely pollute myself]. 

He restores my soul [when I fall and can't get back on my own two feet, though I struggle and thrash about in vain attempts to right myself without relying on His loving, gentle hand to lift me up]. 

He leads me in paths of righteousness [because the rut that I put myself in leads to stagnation, loneliness, self-absorption, and destruction] for His name's sake [for my benefit and His glory]. 

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death [because I will receive persecution for following You], I will [strive to learn to] fear no evil for You are with me [and You are big enough to handle whatever attack may come, prepared to provide for my every need; and are equipped with] Your rod [with which You can defend me and discipline me] and staff [which reaches out to me in guidance and always lets me know you are with me so] they comfort me. 

You [have gone to great lengths of going before me, scouting for hazards and provisions to] prepare a table [of provision and life] before me [with Your ever vigilant watch knowing that I will be] in the presence of my enemies [yet secure that as I remain close to you, their attacks are futile and fended off by Your presence]; 

You anoint my head with oil [a medicine, a repellent, and a buffer, knowing that I will encounter parasitical doubters trying to draw me away from your peace, and I will encounter others of Your followers with which I will have conflict, jealousies, with which I will butt heads because we are human and let that get in the way of seeing Your way of love for each other]; 

[And because I give myself wholly over to You, growing ever closer, in more and more trust] my cup overflows [with the blessings You want to give, the peace that comes from knowing that I'm not living a life of wandering, and the hope of continuing to live in Your presence for eternity]. 

Surely [as I strive to give to those around me the same love You show me, Your] goodness and mercy shall follow me [as a testament to Your good care and attention] all the days of my life [bearing witness that You are my Good Shepherd, Jehovah-Raah, still blessing me but also now blessing others through my witness], 

And I will [joyously, gratefully, willingly] dwell [not just visit] in the house of the LORD forever [beginning with today as I journey through this earthly life, awaiting the green pastures of home - heaven].

Suffering Produces: Romans 5:3-4

STAR
Journaling Exercise/Influencers Journaling Template
#1 Scripture Read:
#2 Thoughts Conveyed: (This means to me:)
#3 Application Made: (This applies to my life in the following areas:)
#4 Response Given: (My prayer of response:)

#1 Scripture Read:
Romans 5:1-4

#2 Thoughts conveyed: (This means to me:)

I've always looked at this passage as a passage about faith, grace, and God's glory. Yes, it speaks to that. It is pivotal to have that faith because without it I turn away the gift of grace that God has already offered me. But it is the suffering that struck home with me today. My heart and mind frequently turn to Honduras, and today I got some saddening news from the family there. I can't share it here as it is a confidential situation, but my dear brothers are suffering tonight. They are faced with some very difficult decisions. Decisions that have potentially eternal repercussions. I am looking at a young church go through the growing pains of spiritual maturity. It gives me a sense of shame to be feeling as though I am suffering just because I am currently unemployed. But I am.

#3 Application Made: (This applies to my life in the following areas:)

Since I am suffering, since those I care about are suffering I want to focus on verse 3: suffering produces. I don't choose to suffer. I don't know of anyone that chooses to suffer.* So for purposes of this post, suffering is not a choice, but as I am firmly convinced that God has granted (for better or for worse) free will - choice - I must conclude that the produces part is up to me. Suffering produces, but what it produces is dependent on my response to my suffering. So I try not to focus on the suffering, but on my response. The "not only so" in verse 3 refers to what was said before.

This brings it back to the faith, grace, and glory of God. It is because of my faith in His grace that I have confidence that my suffering produces perseverance, character, and hope as Paul promises in verses 3 and 4. My response - maintaining my faith (which is an active participation in the calling of Jesus) - allows God to accomplish His design in me, through the suffering that I encounter as I live this earthly life. Which leads me to praise God (and may lead others to praise God when they see my response to suffering and what that suffering produces) and thus bring Him the glory that is His anyway.

Along with the "gift" of choice comes consequence. Those that do not choose to participate in the gift of grace through a faithful response to God's plan still have suffering. That suffering still produces - something.

#4 Response Given: (My prayer of response:)

Father, thank you for providing a plan for me. Thank you for your gift of grace - allowing me to choose You and live a life of faith. Thank you that my suffering produces something positive with which I can continue build my faith. I pray for those that have not chosen to walk in faith. Amen.

* The exception I feel compelled to mention is those afflicted with some form of depression that leads to self-harm. I want to be clear, this post is not intended to address this type of behavior nor its causes.

Week 2 - Session 2: God Knows (Six Questions)

Note: As I stated in my previous post, if I had done this according to schedule, I would have written and posted this on Thursday, September 19, 2013.

Questions and My Responses
1) Do you dwell on heaven as your future home? Why or why not?
Absolutely. I hope that anyone who knows me, even remotely closely, knows I refuse to call any place on Earth home. When I step out of the airport in San Salvador and all of my senses (besides taste) are thronged by that country, that is when I begin feeling closer to Home. When I am worshiping with the family in Ocotepeque, Honduras, that is when I feel close to Home. Living here in Tulsa, Oklahoma is not a bad place to dwell on Earth, but it is not Home. My life is easy compared to many in the world, but it is wrought with trouble, problems, drama, and pain. For instance, at the moment, I am unemployed and struggling to keep my ahead above the financial waters of life. I am fat - yeah, I said it - and this symptom of my laziness and lack of self-control cause me pain and discomfort. I have two teenagers... 'nough said. I have happiness and joys in my life, but I have fears, struggles, tears, and troubles, too. Heaven is my Home. I long for it. I talk about it. I plan for it.

2) What does God know about your future? Do you spend time thinking about it?
God knows my future. There is no "about" it - He knows it. For purposes of this answer, I am making the assumption this question refers to my future as "my future during this life on Earth". I think about it. Sometimes I'm impatient for it. Sometimes I lose sight of it. I trust that His plans for me will glorify Him. I wonder what they will be, and yet fret about the "now" part of my life.

3) What is one weakness that you struggle with? What is one of your strengths?
One of? Whew, I can pick an easy one for this. Wait, I don't have an easy one! Until I am convinced otherwise, saying "my weaknesses" is a euphemism for "sin". So which one for this post? Worrying. I give lip service to my fellow Christians that I trust God. I do trust Him. Then why do I worry? Why do I get stomach aches about bills? Why do I get dizzy over my children's future? Why do I lose my breath for a moment each time I think about not having a job?

Strengths? I have more trouble with strengths. It is a cop out, I know, but I just don't see them clearly enough to share one here.

4) How do you see yourself knowing that God created and shaped you as you are?
With trepidation. God made me for His glory. I want to be a part of that, but I just don't know what His current plan for me is.

5) What does God say about how He made you? How well do you think God knows you?
God made me with a purpose. God made me with His purpose. God made me in His image. God made me in His image for His purpose. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Not that I am a great "physical specimen" or even close to a good example of a commonly accepted human in great condition. But, God made me and equipped me for His purpose. He knows better than I of what I am capable. How well? God knows me better than I know myself. He is not deceived by the masks I wear in public or even have come to believe of myself. God knows me.

6) When you read verses 23 and 24 of Psalm 139, what thoughts come to your mind?
I answered this in my previous post as a prayer. I feel it is still appropriate to end with it here:

Father, help me to want to be searched and tested by You as David asked in Psalm 139:23. Let me give my anxious thoughts to you, knowing that You know what is best for me, have plans for me, and have plans for Your glory. I want to be a part of the plan to bring You glory. Expose the parts of me I try to hide from You. Purge them from me as Your light drives away darkness. Replace them with a drive for the abiding life in Your Son, my Savior, Jesus. Amen.

Week 1 - Day 1: Psalm 139

As this is my first post, here is a little background on how I am journaling and what it is to be. First, I am using the STAR method of journaling (shown below). This is to help me get in the habit of journaling in an efficient and coherent manner. We'll see if it works. I may or may not continue using this method. Second, this is to be a journal of my thoughts, meditations, and insights of my Journey to becoming an Influencer. Note: If I had been on the ball about starting this when I was supposed to, I would have published this first post on Thursday, September 12, 2013.

STAR
Journaling Exercise/Influencers Journaling Template
#1 Scripture Read:
#2 Thoughts Conveyed: (This means to me:)
#3 Application Made: (This applies to my life in the following areas:)
#4 Response Given: (My prayer of response:)

#1 Scripture Read:
Psalm 139

#2 Thoughts conveyed: (This means to me:)

God knows me. God knows me better than I know myself. He knows my most intimate details and the truth about my public persona. 

#3 Application Made: (This applies to my life in the following areas:)

I cannot hide from Him. If I am abiding in Him, I should not WANT to hide from Him. I should bask in the comfort of His watchfulness; comforted by the knowledge that I am not alone and I am cared for. When there is part of me or my actions or inactions that I wish could be hidden from Him, it must be sin that shouldn't be part of me or my actions or inactions. 

God knows me, yes, but He also knows what is best for me, has a plan for me, and has a plan for His glory. David asked for God to destroy all his enemies. Did God destroy them all? No. Did God do what was best for David? Yes - including discipline and punishment when David strayed. Since I know David is considered a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22), and I know that God did not spare David from discipline and punishment, I should expect the same treatment from God if I strive to be a man after God's own heart as well. Comforting and fearful.

#4 Response Given: (My prayer of response:)

Father, help me to want to be searched and tested by You as David asked in Psalm 139:23. Let me give my anxious thoughts to you, knowing that You know what is best for me, have plans for me, and have plans for Your glory. I want to be a part of the plan to bring You glory. Expose the parts of me I try to hide from You. Purge them from me as Your light drives away darkness. Replace them with a drive for the abiding life in Your Son, my Savior, Jesus. Amen.